Monday, June 27, 2005

A few months ago Dirty Talking Girl and I were exchanging emails regarding the dual dust ups at Post Modern Courtesan and Feministing that can be sarcastically summed up as yuppie hooker disses streetwalkers and streetwalkers (and their fellow travelers) diss yuppie hookers. In one of the emails I mentioned how prostitution is a hard job. DTG picked up on this and asked for me to comment on that and suggested it would be a good topic for Mercurial Girl. In the mean while I’ve had an exchange of mail with another escort who wanted a sounding board to test the normalcy of her thoughts and feelings about her career.

Subsequently DTG sent along an article about the difficult lives of prostitutes that quoted two girls, one who talked about performing oral sex 10-15 times a night and the second complaining about the brothel she worked in noting she saw 20-25 clients a week. DTG asked if I thought it was accurate. My response was that her guess was as good as mine as these situations were beyond my experience.

But the article did illustrate the difficulties faced by sex workers employed in particular milieus. For me there are little things that are difficult, always being ‘on’ and making someone else the center of my life (tough for a narcissist), learning the interests of my clients, becoming conversant regarding them and then keep that interest up for at times for several days.

In may surprise some, but the sex is the easy part and it did surprise me. Even dates like Ted and Jeff are not difficult. I felt bad about it later, but at the time I went into an uber slut mode and tried to enjoy it. And then there are the times, often late on sleepless nights when I ponder how disappointed my parents would be in me and how far I am from being the a ‘good girl’ in societies view.

If the sex may not always be good but it is seldom bad. But that doesn’t means some of the clients aren’t distasteful, corpulence is not at all attractive and if the age difference is too great I have to try hard not to show how I’m feeling. Fortunately I’ve not had to deal with poor personal hygiene.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the isolation that can come with being a prostitute and how that would effect me. It’s not as if I wasn’t aware of the possible isolation, I was, and I’ve contributed to my isolation by not seeking support from other companions (except through this blog) or by being up front about my life with my friends, but I didn’t comprehend its effect. Over time I’ve learned to cope but there have been times that I have been at the limits of my coping abilities.

Kim

8 Comments:

Blogger Clandestine Call Girl said...

Yes, it is isolating and I am thankful for the other escort blogs (and you!). Have you ever said aloud, "I am a prostitute", or had a mound of cash and showed your best friend? I've never done either. It's all such a secret that it's seperate from my life. I feel like Sybil. I am considering going to a therapist, bot because I think I am nuts, but simply to have someone to talk to where I can hear my own voice. Perhaps that is something that might be good for you as well? When reading the blogs of other escorts, no one ever seems to mention a therapist. I wonder why?

Best,

Julie
clandestinecallgirl.blogspot.com

7:11 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

With Christine last March in San Francisco, we were dining with a friend of Katies and her partner. I said those words it was liberating. But it was also a safe group, Chris knows, and the friend is a former escort, while her partner is a dancer.

K

12:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for that insight Kim, I think there are many different lives that lead to the same general path, but they are certainly not lived the same way. I think the blogs are fantastic therapy for many, and are useful for a whole set of reasons. I think it cuts down a bit on the inevitable isolation and actually helps many with more than a few FAQ, as you have discovered.

But suffice it to say that the experiences described in the article are foreign to many of a certain class, but are common for too many others in more desperate situations in their lives. There's really no excuse to poor mouth anyone who is doing what they think they need to do to survive. It's not a decision too many take lightly, but it's the kids I really worry about. I think it's often less about class, than it is the simple exploitation of minors or the underaged worker.

The abuse of children in the industry is what will invariably bring the heavy hand of the state in to regulate and ultimately repress the right of contract for all women who desire to make a life in such a way. The transportation of minors, the kidnapping, the documented abuses, the bondage for the trade is one of the most serious pressing issues facing the human rights community today. Many will never encounter it. Some will wonder how it differs in kind or in scope from our migrant (farm) labor in the USA, but it's got the UN involved in it now, and documenting the links with organized crime (as ever), which makes state action more compelling to the masses. It's the kids and the youngsters that are the most put upon and exploited here. This is what I suspect that article is speaking to. It's something that no one ought to experience first hand.

Good Luck on the trip Kim! VJ

2:14 PM  
Anonymous David said...

I wouldn't be suprised if the numbers quoted in the article are true. But I would guess that these are the places which are run like an assembly line and the clients are only interested in getting off quickly - in and out (pardon the pun) in 15 - 20 minutes. Personally, I prefer longer sessions, spending time talking and relaxing. Often the sex almost becomes secondary. The girls I see regularly see about 5 or 6 clients in a typical week.

9:35 PM  
Anonymous DTG xxoo said...

Re isolation: I guess that's one point in favour of brothels, that you have a sisterhood to hand, there's always someone there to whom you can relate: co-workers, in fact?

Some of the posts in Viewing the Local Antiquities convey this sense of community or togetherness in a brothel: in one recent post, fore example, John described how the girls sometimes relieve each other or help each other out with clients.

DTG xxoo

10:59 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

VJ, my comments were not meant to 'poor mouth' anyone's working situation, but simply reflect my inexperience is such situations and my ability to comment is limited to what I have read not what I have experienced.

Your points regarding children, I am in full agreement with and I would extend them to anyone caught in sexual slavery (or any form of slavery).

Anyone interested in learning more about this should visit the IJM website, link to the right under Kim Supports

12:43 PM  
Anonymous Fiona said...

Isolation was/is the biggest downside to what I have found to be the best job I've had yet. I could go on and on about the positives (the time and financial freedom for other pursuits [your freelance work, for example]) but at the end of the day it's damn annoying to be telling everyone you do this or that or just let them think you've a lazy trust fund baby.

The way I dealt with the isolation was to build friendships with other women who are in the same field, and through reading blogs such as yours. I've been grateful to read your writing - thank you for blogging! I'd highly suggest even exchanging a few emails with some other women.

It's good to hear your trip is going so well (and that the wifi is plentiful in Eastern Europe.

Best,
Fiona

6:30 PM  
Anonymous Fiona said...

Isolation was/is the biggest downside to what I have found to be the best job I've had yet. I could go on and on about the positives (the time and financial freedom for other pursuits [your freelance work, for example]) but at the end of the day it's damn annoying to be telling everyone you do this or that or just let them think you've a lazy trust fund baby.

The way I dealt with the isolation was to build friendships with other women who are in the same field, and through reading blogs such as yours. I've been grateful to read your writing - thank you for blogging! I'd highly suggest even exchanging a few emails with some other women.

It's good to hear your trip is going so well (and that the wifi is plentiful in Eastern Europe).

Best,
Fiona

6:31 PM  

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