Tuesday, July 19, 2005

An Italian couple that we camped with us the first weekend is following a similar path to ours though we zig when they zag. But every few nights we’ve arranged to meet. It’s been nice to have someone around who we are not at the beginning of even a brief relationship. It gets old answering the same questions; where are you from, are you married and deflecting the inevitable rants about US foreign policy. She’s about thirty, he a few years older and a dirty old man in training. She’s comes across as a bit slutty.

Last evening as we sat around a fire sipping wine, she suggested a foursome. I was looking at Dmitri when she said it and watched his face as his expression went from confusion, to realization, to panic as his eyes found mine. “No,” I said, “I’m not comfortable with that.” He relaxed and later I teased him about it asking why he wouldn’t want to be with her? “I don’t want to share you,” he replied. A good answer.

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Shortly after Valentines Day I first considered that perhaps D and I were meant to be married. He ignored my suggestion that I was a poor prospect and I lacked the will to refuse to see him. I did want to see him. So I chose to manage our relationship. I guess he perceives I held most of the leverage and acquiesced to when I would see him and he never asked me to account for my time. Even as innocent conversation. He doesn’t know I’m a prostitute, I doubt he doesn’t even suspects, as it is beyond his comprehension or maybe it’s denial.

After my initial day dreams I tried to shut thoughts of marriage out of my mind with limited success. The trip I thought will provide my answers. Our relationship is different than a month ago and he knows this also. I feel it in how he talks about us and how he looks at me.

Prior to leaving I told Marie not to count on my returning. And even if I do choose to continue as a prostitute I’m pretty much going to stay in Paris and see perhaps a client per week. I need more time for my life plan; a subject of a different post. If Dmitri is my future then I will quit.

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Buster has a gas problem. His refrigerator can run on electricity, battery or plugged in and bottled gas. The pilot on the fridge won’t stay lit and the stove burners will only work on medium to high. This is more of an inconvenience than a problem since we’re traveling every day Buster’s batteries stay charged, but cooking without a low heat setting is a pain.

Today D is trying to find out what the problem is and hopefully fix it. Tomorrow we’ll enter Prague where we will be spending a couple of days.

Kim

9 Comments:

Anonymous NCTRNL said...

Sounds like you're having some good old fashioned adventures.

3:17 PM  
Blogger Pete from Cal said...

I'm holding my breath here hoping to find out by the end of your trip if D is your answer. Glad to know that this trip has brough you two closer and help you find answers to some questions. I especially like his answer on not wanting to share you with the slutty couple; it brings a smile to my face. Good to see you're having a great time and thanks for keeping us posted. :)

3:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the post Kim. Always good to hear about developments. I'm betting that it's more likely that you'll be married with kids before Buster is 'all fixed', but I'm an incurable optimist. It's good to hear of your thoughts on stepping off the fast train and enjoying a slightly slower procession in life. I hope Dmitri or someone else to your liking can make that trip with you. These are all good developments and we wish you both all the best. Do keep us updated on your progress.

Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'

3:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Reasons 1-10 on why not to site a business operation in the US, and why moving on always looks somewhat attractive at any age:

[http://newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/nightlife/sex/features/12193/index.html]

Again Enjoy the trip & Good Luck Kim! 'VJ'

9:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just in case that reference above did not make it, the story was: From the July 18, 2005 issue of New York Magazine. The title was 'The $2,000 an-Hour Woman',By Mark Jacobson.

Lead Paragraph: "In the bedroom, Natalia was a superstar, an escort in demand by Wall Street traders and NFL quarterbacks alike. Her boss, Jason Itzler, who called himself the “King of All Pimps,” wanted to turn his brothel into a Playboy-style national empire, with Natalia as its crown jewel—and his wife. A love story."

An interesting but not unusual NYC story.

Cheers, 'VJ'

9:54 AM  
Anonymous Sweeney said...

Dear Kim,
I'm touched by your by your makeshift, campsite posts.
Your dilemma is more acute because of your trade, but you face the dilemma most of us face sooner or later; the desire for the security of a steady, loving relationship versus polyamorous sexual yearnings.
I think you said no not because you were uncomfortable (I'm sure you could have happily enjoyed sluttish sex with the other 2)but because D was uncomfortable and probably holds pretty traditional views on how his GF should behave. I'm not sure how you're going to solve this. Can you convert to pure monogamy or am I underestimating D and will he be broadminded enough to accept you as you are?
Good luck and enjoy the rest of your Idyll!

10:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not to put a fine point on it, but Sweeney, you might want to find out if D holds all these attitudes that you might attribute to him.

In any case reading through the NY Mag. article, I don't know how useful it might be to the experience of people on the other side of the pond. Seems to be the chronicles of one particular putz.

Cheers, 'VJ'

10:35 AM  
Anonymous jk said...

I can't imagine going through life holding a secret like this from my loved one. Are you hoping that it will never come out? Are you in denial? Or are you hoping that down the road it will matter less.

You might want to look at one of the blogs you link to - Clandestine Call Girl. She got married, quit and is already whoring behind her husband's back. She seems to need it and advances lame excuses like needing the money if the marriage doesn't work - how much can she be putting into her marriage?

I don't have a problem with prostitution. But I do have a problem with wrecking lives. Unless you're absolutely sure that you would be 100% out, not seeing only a client or two (or maybe three if it worked out that way), then you owe it to D to make sure that he doesn't get hurt. That may sound tough, but you would be responsible for hurting him.

Getting out is not easy. You've been in a lifestyle of sex of all kinds and it doesn't sound like the guy you may marry has been. You may miss the experiences. You may miss the money - that's a real addiction, isn't it? Are you capable of monogamy?

Many men would never consider marrying someone who has been a prostitute. Next step is someone who is currently a prostitute but who would quit for that guy. Next is an active prostitute. From what I know, many prostitutes are married but their husbands know - and probably live off them.

Your situation is that you have been actively a prostitute while seeing D. He may accept that or he may not. There is a certain romance in "converting the fallen". But unless you are 100% able to stop, then you should definitely not put this man in the position of being seriously hurt.

8:26 PM  
Blogger Clandestine Call Girl said...

Hi Kim! I am sorry that I did not email you back before your departure. Things were crazy busy and I just don't get to that email all the time.

In regards to your situation, I will say that it's very hard to get out of the business. I think that you and I had discussed this from time to time. I certainly would not tell him, whether you decide to quit or not. I think that people who have not done it are very quick to judge and misinterpret the profession. They see it the way that it is portrayed on TV and you know, perception is reality. He might understand, but he probably won't. Why risk it?

If you decide to have a relationship and not escort, I think it's great. Escorting while in a relationship is not easy and forces one to lead a double life. You were lucky in Paris in that you have friends that know what you do and it's okay. However, that may haunt you in the longrun in that if you give it up to have a relationship with D, he could very well find out, or you may be paranoid about him finding out.

I say, do what works for you. If a relationship without escorting is in your cards, then do it. You are very young and if things don't work out with D, you have plenty of time to re-establish yourself if you want to. If you want to escort while in a relationship, it is dishonest and not the best practice, as I know first hand. However, I know that you see it as a business and it is something you are successful at, therefore, if you are able to tolerate the deception, then go for it.

There is risk in everything we do and it's up to that the individual to decide whether or not it is a risk they are willing to take.

10:42 PM  

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