Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Rather than add another comment I’ll say this in another post. I’ll take Dmitri back in a second. He is an imperfect human being. I also have my warts and issues and he accepted all but one. The one that I knew would be difficult for him.

He's paying a terrible price for his leaving. He left a job he loved where he was respected and appreciated; he left his adopted city from which he drew life, to live in a place that he continually made fun of and of course we no longer have each other. My hope for him is that he has something that he is going towards and not just away from otherwise his destination maybe unsatisfying.

His walking away at first hurt, then later angered me and that faded to disappointment. But now I’m past it. I’ve begun my process of healing. I have a life ahead of me supportive friends, a loving family and a Greek chorus (you). Things will work out. They always do.

Thank you,

Kimberly Anne

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Many years ago, probably twenty-eight, Danielle and I had a six month relationship; I don't know if she was "seeing" clients then, but we had fun. And I know she was "on the street" afterwards.

Today, she is an attorney in a suburban firm practising primarily defending alleged juvenile offenders and in domestic law.

Life is like a box of chocolates, ala Forrest Gump.

How many "do-overs" does one get in life?

Iowa

4:50 PM  
Blogger Garrison Steelle said...

((((((HUGS)))))))

Here's hoping today is a good one for you my friend.

-G

5:06 PM  
Anonymous IanJ said...

Kim, I don't know if this adds to human knowledge, but it just may help.

It goes without saying that my sympathies go to you both and elements of the story resonated...even though I have not been in an exact same situation.

I will also stress that I am not judging just sharing personal experience that may help illuminate the happenings you have experienced.

Whilst grossly unfashionable in many circles I do think that the Mars/Venus portraits can help understand how some of us react to situations. The stereotype says women want to talk and men go to their "caves", I admit that at times of personal stress I go to my cave...cut myself off, process what is concerning me and determine what I think is my personal route out. I am sure it frustrates my wife...as many of her behaviours frustrate me...but it is part of who I am. It seems that at least initially D went to his cave, alone, to sort through a shock to how he perceived his world. That he has not come back shows that the route he chose did not include you...harsh, but true.

Now the question as to why he did not choose to come back to you. In this I can offer only some views on myself. While a rich sustainable relationship needs more than an intimate element, I think that a healthy intimacy is essential. Without that the relationship is little more than friends and without trust it is nothing. The only exception is where another "glue" such as children exists and then one may decide that a compromise is the best solution for the children and thus best overall.

So the crux, in my opinion is the health of the intimate relationship and trust.
I do not condemn courtesans / companions / prostitutes / whatever, but I do know that for me, feeling I am a piece of business, is a very unsexual feeling. I have been with one overt and I suspect very good Parisian lady and found that the evening was a flop because of what went on in my head. I have also been with one or two others who I strongly suspect have that "training" in their background and they were so good at their job I did not trust what they said or why the said it. Oh yes they said all the things a man is supposed to want to hear, but all I heard was noise, they lacked sincerity. I found I questioned (and thus distrusted) everything they said and did. As a result development of a healthy intimate relationship is extremely difficult if not impossible (for me!)

This is one apsect of the distrust...the other is in many ways bigger and that is you have shown him that he did not know who and what he thought he knew. On one level that will make him question everything you have said done, but more fundamentally you have probably made him question his own judgement (and that hurts!).

That he has not deigned to discuss this with you is maybe disappointing, but I for one can see his need/want for a clean break. I know you will both survive, if each bearing a few scars.

If I can leave you with a closing comment it is to try and fidn compassion for both him and yourself. Do not condemn him for being who is he (someone you loved and still love) and do not condemn all men for how he has found it necessary to behave to survive. Likewise you did little more than have to deal with the situation you have knowlingly placed yourself in...your choice...your life.

I wish you....honesty....openness...timing...and a lot of luck in your search for the One!

6:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the update Kim, and I'm sorry for your loss and the sadness too. I still think if he bugged out at this juncture, it was just a matter of time before it happened for another reason. I guess we'll never know though. I also think that we've all got to get beyond these silly age old prejudices that puts unreasonable expectations upon women that were not even appropriate for the 19th century. It's troubling, and one that like Iowa, I hope that we can overcome. We get as many chances at life as we want. We may not be more deserving than the next bloke, but we still retain all our chances just the same. That's life, we have to reach out for it and redeem it everyday. And Sometimes all day. Here's wishing you brighter moments& Cheers, 'VJ'

5:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Apropos not much and just to keep your mind off the week long riots, here's why I'm a Democrat:[I hope it gets a smile at least!]

[http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/archives/individual/2005_11/007487.php]

Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'

11:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Geez, that's the Washington Monthly Blog for this date: November 3, 2005
. It's called 'The White Hot Center'.

Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'

11:41 AM  
Blogger Pete from Cal said...

I hate tragic love story and this has all the ingredient of one. It makes me sad that D tripped over that one issue and can't get past it. Worst it, he doesn't want to work it out. Like I said, tragic love story sucks and I hope there is a happy ending somewhere in the horizon, not too long in the distant future. Best wishes Kim! :)

8:11 PM  
Blogger LolaGetz said...

I really really REALLY admire your honesty.

It took balls (oh, please forgive the expression) to tell him.

I'm sorry that it didn't work out, but you know...you were true to yourself. In the end, that's who you have to live with until the day you depart this earth.

7:03 AM  

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