Friday, January 27, 2006

Thursday morning Elyse left Paris for NY, meeting Mike who is there on business. I left for St. Barts to meet Gavin, our (his) winter vacation. He has rented a house that comes with a cook and housekeeping service. He has been here for a few of weeks holding business meetings. His kids were here earlier, this year their mother stayed behind.

I’ve suspected for a while that my family, or at least my sisters and Juliette believe that I gain part of my support from a gentleman. This comes out in snarky comments from my sisters and the occasional loaded questions from Juliette. Their suspicion is my life is more Holly Golightly when the truth is closer to Bree Daniels. But I was confident that my friends were being kept in the dark and now I know that isn’t true.

Saturday evening Anne Marie came by and joined E and me for dinner. After we talked for a while the subject switched to Kimmie’s night job. I made a little joke about my secret life and AM responded, “It’s not much of a secret Kim.” I looked at her with surprise, then she continued, “After all how many of us run off to St. Barts, not to mention New York several times a year, the Olympics and Marrakech. And before Christmas Yvette saw you getting out of a Mercedes at Pierre Gagnaire” (it is wonderful).

“Well, so I have a rich boyfriend,” I stammered defensively. “But they know it’s boyfriend plural,” she answered. I looked at her and mouthed, How? And she shot a glance at E who I finally noticed was trying to be invisible while she examined the pattern in the carpet.

"Elyse?" I asked. She didn’t say anything for a few seconds and then, “I’m sorry, I said too much." She went on to explain that last winter she was out with Judith and Nathalie, after many glasses of wine they began to gossip about me and E said something that she regretted, but it was out.

She apologized and I accepted, secrets are hard to keep. “Well look on the bright side,” AM said. “What?” I responded with trepidation. “They don’t know you charge by the hour.” I gave her a dirty look. “Nor that you have, excuse me had a pimp. Now,” she said throwing her head and shoulders back and holding the back of her hand against her forehead sarcastically, “you’re a courtesan.”

I just looked at her and said, “BITCH” and she stuck her tongue out at me. E, maybe to change the subject called out “CAT FIGHT”. AM gave a bemused look and I said, “Not yet, I haven’t begun clawing her eyes out or yanking on her hair,” and then slumped back in my chair.

“Fuck. Now what?” I muttered. Always being practical AM pointed out that they have known for a year and have suspected for longer than that so if it made a difference I’m beyond it. I mulled on that for a few seconds and then she continued, “Oh and I’ve been saving this.” We both looked at her, “My promotion has been announced and I’m...” I squeezed my eyes shut; I knew she was going to say she was leaving. “I’m staying in Paris.” It gave us something to celebrate.

Kim

13 Comments:

Blogger el Bow said...

I've known for months and I still think favorably of you.

4:44 PM  
Blogger Thaϊs said...

So you have friends who know! I think it's wonderful - personally I found this secret was pretty difficult to keep emotionally.

Even now, despite retirement, I wish I could tell my friends what I did. Especially since I think of getting involved with sex work rights and education organizations...

3:22 AM  
Anonymous VJ said...

I'm not sure this is a wholly good thing Thais. In fact, I think divulging such a deeply personal secret is always transgressive & fraught with very real dangers. It's something people can come to live with, given certain conditions & understandings, & when done on their own time and for their own reasons. Other than that, it's almost always deeply disturbing to close family relations, no matter how understanding they might be.

Me, I'd threaten their lives if they were careless enough to 'confirm' any of this to my family however. That's just plain wicked, and if it's ever broached with family, it must be done in your own time & with your own plan & needs being paramount. Many, many people have taken lesser secrets to the grave with them too. Nothing is written that you have to 'come clean' about every aspect of your life to all/most friends & family members. Life is not an 'Oprah' talk show. Not everyone needs to know the intimate lives of their neighbors, not everyone is interested, and most of the time this is just as well for everyone involved.

Yes, much of this 'secret life' is easy to add up though from friends. There is no shame in this, but again instructing them that this is not something to gossip openly about must be impressed upon them in the strictest possible sense. I've seen families wrenched apart for much lesser misunderstandings. Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'

9:54 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

My friends know only a partial reality. They're belief to borrow a line from Scarlett(?), 'that I survive on the kindness of strangers.' I receive the occasional gift, a frock, perhaps the apartment or Waldo But of course the reality is more complicated than that and the reality will be kept from them.

Kim

2:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The secret seems hardest on you. At least when it gets out (i.e., your past relationship). How are you dealing with this?

4:13 PM  
Anonymous VJ said...

This type of tripe drives me up the wall. 'The secret is hardest on you'? This is rank utter nonsense. I'll tell you that part of being a successful adult Depends on how well you can keep secrets and the confidences you can keep of, for and by others that matter to you. It really is part of adulthood, and we deny this truth at our peril.

If you live a life one way for 20+ years, no one needs or much cares to know you were a flapper way back in the day who 'did' Hemingway and every other writer in Paris in the 1920's. Put it in a memoir if you dare or are care to. People have complicated lives that typically have many, many unknown paths. Not everyone is privileged to this information. And yes, sometimes, that means it's just you, your conscience and/ or the deity of your choice who know. That's the way real life is sometimes. It's not perfect, it does not all end up with all the storylines neatly summed up and tab lined for our viewing pleasures. Some great dads and family men turned out to be discovered as women at an autopsy. Some soldiers of the 16th, 17th, 18th & 19th centuries were women. Some were discovered, some had their secrets only revealed upon death.

Our leaders here & in France have their well kept family secrets that the press only barely stumble upon on their deathbeds or afterwards. The affairs, the out of wedlock kids, (FR) the desertions during wartime. The rampant drug use, the beer swilling arrogant bar fights with frat buddies. The pregnant girl friend you forced to get an abortion. (All of those being Our fearless leader, Bush).

They can cover-up their past as a matter of course, it's part of their massive & very successful PR machines. It includes legions of lawyers to keep their worthless sons & daughters out of reach from the law for DUI's & far worse. To imagine anything otherwise is in severe conflict with reality, and has been for as long as there has been history. Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'

4:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't worry. Everyone has actually known that you're a dumb whore for years!

9:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

VJ, you're wrong. Look at how Kimmie has reacted each time the secret has gotten out. She was hurt by a lost relationship. She seemed threatened, if not terrified by the fact that others knew in this post. It is hardest on her. Yes, others are affected by it, but this is clearly about the difficulties affecting her. She obviously cares about what others think about her activities. Otherwise it wouldn't have been part of a post. While no one may care of someone's past history, what is the reaction to the raised eyebrow? Years from now when Kim's "mainstream" business is successful, she may talk openly about her "other" business venture. Then again, it may be a secret she chooses to keep quiet so that it doesn't affect other aspects of her life. Being a prostitute (call girl, courtesan, escort, lady of the evening, etc.) is not the type of activity that is easily brushed aside by mainstream society as a "youthful indiscretion." Furthermore, this is not a secret that is being kept quietly. It does keep coming out.

3:20 PM  
Anonymous VJ said...

Again it's the untimely disclosure of the secret that's apt to do the most harm. And yes, Most of the people you see on TV or in films, or in Congress have done way worse beyond 'youthful indiscretions'. So again I'll argue that no one has been killed here, or sent to war on a skein of well planted & manufactured 'official lies.' No one has been manifestly physically harmed. Yes, feelings and emotions do get hurt, but this is natural, and can and does happen in every business venture.

Years from now when Kim & Co. is successful, she can forget most everything about her prior life, or at least keep it from harming her. That's her right & privledge. Everyone is entitled to this, not just the rich & powerful. Just like it's now impolite to notice that the Bush's were business partners for some 30 years with the Saudi Royal family AND the Bin Laden's {See HouseofBush.com for the book 'House of Bush, House of Saud' among others like 'American Dynasty' by Kevin Phillips ). Not one TV station in America has ever dared to utter this truth, or the fact that Bush deserted his post during wartime (awolbush.com). So see? If you've got the will there's a way. And yes, there's just as many dark secrets for almost everyone you see in the media. We need not know these, but some people do. I knew about 'ol Stom's 70 year old 'love child' 2 decades before it finally came out in the media. It was an open secret in SC. It was also about the only decent thing he did for race relations for a good portion of his life, so no one bothered him much about it. Just a thought. Cheers & Good Luck! 'VJ'

10:14 AM  
Anonymous lily said...

kim... all i have is what you write-- and from what youwrite you seeem rather calm and collected about the whole thing. being in the smae industry as you- id be mortified if anyone close to me found out.
i am wondering your true feelings on the subject

11:52 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

Lily, It is my preference that few know that I work as a prostitute. Only three people know the details, Christine because I discussed it with her before starting, Elyse because I told her. We lived together and I wasn't going to drive myself crazy hiding my life from the person sitting across the breakfast table from me. And Anne Marie, because she suspected and confronted me.

It is embarrassing, even humiliating if it got out and would more so if my friends new everything, but there are many things that can happen that will be far more damaging effect on you much than the exposure of a secret such as this. If I seem calm and collected about the compromise it is because there is nothing I can do about it and too many of the other things have happened.

Kim

6:38 PM  
Anonymous lily said...

kim, thanks for replying... i just want to you to know that working in the same industry-- alrhough i am in new york-- its really helpful to read your blog. i dont know very many escorts and its nice to relate to someone else.
thanks, and i wish you a beautiful evening, lily.

12:23 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Lily, feel free to email me if you would like. My addy is to the left.

K

12:37 PM  

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