Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Off went the order for Toni Bentley's The Surrender: An Erotic Memoir, "...the truth about the beauty of submission." Ah emotional peace and happiness through anal sex.

Sometime in high school I discovered the joys of sexual submission. At first I didn’t understand the what and why I liked about it and was ashamed of my feelings. But eventually I accepted my feelings and hoped I was ‘normal.’ The challenge then being to integrate my yearnings in a positive way in relationships. But lately, except for my dalliance with Christine when she was here, it has been ages since I’ve felt the desire to be in a power exchange relationship.

I’ve been trying to figure out what has changed and I realized that being a prostitute has fulfilled the psychosexual needs for submission I previously had. I’ve realized that what really is fulfilling for me in a power exchange is that I’m in control through the act of submission. I’m delineating the parameters of the relationship, the control. And then allow myself to be used at my partners will within the context of our agreement, the submission. When a partner simply tries to dominate or change the rules I push back and I’m unsatisfied.

My relationships with clients are very well defined including a process for ‘changing the rules’ and within our agreement I am at his beck and call. Control and submission.



Blogger el Bow said...

so then be aware of what will hapen in your non professional relationships when you eventually move away from prostitution.

6:21 PM  
Blogger Pete from Cal said...

Very impressive analysis of how 'companionship' has fulfilled your psychosexual needs. Ultimately you are/should be in control during your rendez_vous. But it is very interesting how the act of 'submission' to your clients is just another form of control set forth within your agreement with him. It is a very clever way of looking at it. Thanks for sharing! :)

8:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How positive that you recognise the power of submission. So many see the submissive as weak...the weakest party in the exchange...when in fact in a respectful/trusting relationship the submissive is often/usually the stronger.

For me the submission of strong, knowledgeable submissive is so much sweeter.

Interestingly I have rarely been with a prostitute and when I have, I have "functioned" poorly as I never like feeling that my pleasure is a matter of "business".

Anyway I enjoy your blog and felt I wanted to comment

A Dominant (aka the Horse Whisperer, but that is another story!)

8:37 AM  

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