Monday, May 08, 2006

To the previous post a reader commented, “In your emotional calculus, you should also work in whether you're straight or gay and if you want the former but need the latter how that will work.” I get to choose???

Being bi-sexual is a definite advantage in the world of sex as play, but it certainly complicates finding a life partner. Someday (I have my fingers crossed), I’ll settle with a person to (hopefully) live out our lives. I don’t know if that will be a man or a woman but regardless we will be declaring fidelity and choosing to make our lives together. It is expected that each of us will me one or more persons that we are strongly attracted to and that attraction will test the bonds of our partnership. If I were to settle with a man and in the future find Ms. Right and choose to leave my partner, would that be any different than if I left him for another man?


Caring for the pugs has changed my routine with my morning run replaced with their morning walk and with it a new ritual. Each morning we make our way to a small park, a neighbor is there walking his boxer. Abelard spying the dog charges to the end of his leash and barks with all the ferocity 11 Kilos can muster. In response the boxer drops what ever he is doing and charges towards us until hitting the end of his leash he assumes the play position while vocalizing with stub wagging. Abelard beats a hasty retreat to hide behind my legs and continues to bark. Heloise being the brighter of the pair pulls us over so she can greet her friend, her curlicue heaving from side to side. Then it off the leash for the three as they frolic in the grass.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think leaving a man for a woman and a woman for a man is the same thing. It comes with the package.
Somehow we can accept leaving a man for a woman as opposed the other way around... at least from numerous conversations that is has always been the consenus. Though, "going for the long haul" is a dual thing and if you find that person then, of course there will be attraction to other people, that is natural. But what one chooses to do with it is a whole other story. Personally at this point I wouldn't know the answer. Part of me says "GO" with the feeling of being attracted to another person, but somehow "maturity" (whatever that means) would indicate that one would control the attraction and work through the relationship they have committed to.
Though, I am single, and sometimes, whilst building my life as a single woman (and attractive to boot) I sometimes wonder or daydream at how nice it would be to share the moments together... Like now I am shopping for a house in the countryside. I have a great place to live in my city... but the plans are alone. Hum ha... but whatever, I guess the time will come, but honestly just too busy. But back to the main point. Yeah, I would stick it through with someone, and yeah it is the same leaving a man for a woman or visa versa...

8:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I meant you talk about meeting a guy but you may need to meet a woman. Genuinely bi? I believe the material which says very few men are, that they have the same arousal patterns as gay men, but I have no idea about women. Many people define being bi not as sexual attraction but as who you can fall in love with.

This was all in the context you set, that you don't want someone who accepts you are or by then maybe 'were' an escort. As a guy, it would be far more problematic for my girl to be mixed sexually. A lot of that is simple jealousy: a straight woman can hang out with girls, can go on a trip with girls, can get drunk with girls and the odds she'll run off with one of those girls is pretty low.

10:42 PM  
Anonymous Valiant said...

do you get to choose? Well in short the aswer is yes we all do and as we get older and collect greater responsibilities the choices often become far more complicated and the answer less black and white. As a parent of a daughter I love dearly, but also someone in a marriage that feels like it has run its course I have been faced with choices and have made the best ones I can, balancing the best interests of all concerned.

In the end the my rules are don;t make a decision if you don;t have to, but if you do do don't shirk it. Make the best decision you can at the time you have to make it and try not to look back with regrets.

Having worked for a big american bank one never got sacked for making a wrong got sacked for not making a decision when one was needed and/or making the same mistake twice.

Remember we are human and therefore fallable. My levelling though is that ifI could guarantee to get it right 50.1% of the time I (and indeed anyone else) would soon accumulate great wealth. When you look at those still struggling to do that you realise that very few of us get "it" that right, that often.

Good luck.....and look for the times you need to make decisions.

10:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

too bad you can't post a pic of the pugs playing with their friend.

7:22 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

With any potential partners I have been up front about my sexuality. Interestingly it is the women who have found it most difficult to accept. Probably a combination of bi-sexuals having a poor reputation among lesbians and men fantasizing about a threesome, but in the two 'adult' relationships I've had with men sexuality did not become an issue. Who knows if that is significant.

Right now a long term relationship is secondary to my business and career, I know that will change in a few years but by then I'll be established. Until that time I'm content to let life take its course.


7:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not being a woman, I can only guess women are afraid of the same things men are but in reverse. We're afraid the girl will be with other girls and that will lead her away. Or as on Seinfeld when Elaine tried to "turn" a gay man, she said it would be hard because "they" have access to the equipment full time and she might get access only once a week.

The opposite fear is stuff like: male/female is the traditional role family can accept; having a children with a man as a genetic contributor is different from having a child you can't share genetically with a lesbian partner; it's still more common for wives not to carry the financial load and to be the primary child rearer.

11:10 PM  
Blogger Gillette said...

I continually find it so sad we think we "have" to choose.

Why do we make these boundaries on love?

Why only one partner?

Why a man or a woman?

Why not just throw ourselves into what we feel and live?

I just don't get it.

2:54 AM  
Anonymous VJ said...

Indeed. There's considerable newer research on the issues of 'intersex', people who are not only bisexual in a 'classic' sense, but who may move through different stages in different eras of their lives. History is replete with similar examples should you care to look, but here in America we seem to be officially wedded to this ideal of 'One man, One woman'. Folks, this has never exactly been the case at any time, any where. There's always been women who preferred women, who married for a sense of social propriety, ditto for men. Any number of literary and art figures have taken on lovers of every sex down through the ages.

So it's almost always a difficult choice, and one fraught with heavy consequences for making a wrong or foolish choice. But the same can be said of any hetero or 'plain vanilla' relationship or marriage.

In any case, I too would like to see a picture of the famous pugs if possible. Cheers & Good Luck! 'VJ'

8:57 AM  
Anonymous qkslvrwolf said...

Good call. I think what gives the reputation for flightiness amoung lesbians and guys is the college style "trend bi" who just wants to get some play and will use making out with another girl to get there. If it happens to lead further, well, she can always claim she was drunk, right?

For the most part, that doesn't work for the long term.

One question, if you'd be so kind?

How in the hell do you convince any country to let you come work there? I've been trying to get to England for years, but they won't take me...

1:09 AM  
Blogger Kim said...


Regarding immigration. I followed the French process though several things helped, I have family here, I had a job lined up though it fell through when I arrived and I suspect that someone 'walked' the application through the process.


4:53 PM  

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