Thursday, September 21, 2006

Looking back, I can see that my mother was escalating. Decompensate, I think is the proper term. It was late summer and school was back in session. The high hopes for our football team were already dashed with two heartbreaking loses. Dad had been gone for a year and their divorce had been finalized the month before.

Mom had a date that Saturday night she must have told me a thousand times that week. I knew who he was; he owned an insurance agency and I didn’t see what Mom saw in him, but it was a small town and there weren’t many options.
What was odd was she kept telling me how she was going to get laid and I shouldn’t worry if she didn’t come home. I was embarrassed; it was so weird I thought why is she telling me this?

But I had my own plans, I had met a boy, he was a freshman at the college and was soooo cute but he didn’t know it. My plan was to have him over with him gone and give myself to him. Not my virginity, that had been snatched from me a year before but I wanted him to be my first lover.

He came over after she left. We had pizza in the den and listened to music and then began making out. I let him undress me and then he removed his clothes. Some foreplay and then he was atop me and I felt him enter me with slow regular thrusts.

I don’t know if he saw her or I just didn’t hear her initial shouts. But he was off me and she was screaming “GET OUT!! “GET OUT!! He grabbed his things and ran out the sliding door. I guess he dressed in the bushes. I didn’t talk to him again, though I’d run into him now and then, the last time was when I was home to attend the shower for Michael and Elyse.

She began calling me slut and whore. Stood in front of the house screaming that her daughter was a whore. I hid in my room and tried calling my sisters. I’d forgotten that Grace was on assignment and I guess Leah had romantic plans of her own. Sunday we avoided each other. Leah called and I told her what happened, so she called Mom, who acted like nothing happened. I never found out what happened on her date that had her home after ten.

News travels fast in a small town and by Monday morning the whole school knew what happened. My girlfriends met me as I entered the lobby and we went off to the girl’s room. I bummed a cigarette, I didn’t care if I got caught, and I was. It was Ms. Samuels, a first year teacher who I really liked. She ordered me to put it out, but didn't turn me in and chased the others off and then told me she had heard if I wanted to talk to come and see her.

Third period had just started, my Spanish class, when there was a knock on the door. The teacher answered and spoke with the principal’s secretary. He then looked about the room and setting his eyes on me called me out into the hall. “Fuck, what now. I haven’t done anything,” I said to no one in particular. In the hall I asked the secretary what was wrong. She was agitated but wouldn’t tell me anything. We arrived at the principal’s office and the school nurse was with him.

They told me Mom had been taken to the hospital. Their plea that they were sure she would be fine was completely unhelpful. They gave me no information and the nurse drove me to the hospital. When we arrived the nurse knew where to go and my first inkling of what was happening is when we entered a door marked “Crisis Unit.” Mom had become completely unglued at her office, threatening her partner and the people who worked for them. The Police and an ambulance were summonsed and she was brought in.

The psychiatric nurse and social worker tried to explain what happened, but I was overwhelmed. Finally I just began crying and shouting that I wanted to see my mother. Then, and more so today, I know these two women were wonderful professionals. They calmed me again and we talked and they ascertained that we had no family near by and that was when they told me Mom was refusing medication and asked if I could help. No one should see someone they love in restraints, thankfully Mom consented when I asked.

With the social worker we began to contact my family. Messages were left at Dad’s and Grace’s offices and people there began tracking them down. I left a message for Leah. Kenny was in Syria, but thankfully Catherine was home and she took responsibility to help us. An hour later my Aunt Lillian, Mom’s sister called, she was at her mountain place, which was a little more than two hours away and would be leaving immediately.

About then things got worse. Around the time of my parent’s split, Mom began accusing Dad of molesting me and filed a child protection complaint. It wasn’t true and the police and county attorney believed me, but for some reason the child protection workers didn’t and here one was to take charge of me since I had no apparent supervision. I freaked and quickly told everything to the social worker who intervened. The afternoon wore on, Mom was quiet and one by one the family checked in. It was nearing four-thirty and I worried that Lillian wouldn’t get here before child protection returned. Fortunately Gail’s Mom had begun to make arrangements for me to be turned over to her custody if necessary.

Almost on the dot of four-thirty the child protection people returned. I’d decide that I’d bolt rather than go with them, but fortunately we were spared those histrionics by the arrival of Lillian. Lillian is a babe in the best sense of the word. Smart, tough and countenances no bullshit. She became Mom’s advocate and got the answers that everyone was asking and then took me home.

We brought Mom home the following Saturday and Lilly stayed another week. When she left it was just Mom and I.



Blogger Pete from Cal said...

Thanks for sharing that with us; it must still be difficult thinking back on what happened. Don't know what prompted you to recall those memories but hope you're doing okay. Take care.

9:18 PM  
Anonymous VJ said...

Thanks for that Kim. It's good to share these sad stories sometimes. Cheers & Brighter moments, 'VJ'

9:21 PM  
Anonymous Janssen said...

Sounds bad, but apparently everything worked out in the end rigth ? You have an eventful life, with a lot of prospect for the future.

9:00 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Pete: The anniversary of those events is in September, so the time of year brings them back. I wrote this a year ago but couldn't bring myself to publish it, but this year was different.


12:48 PM  

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