Monday, October 16, 2006

The auto show is over, thank goodness, I couldn’t stand going out there another day. Mimi took the day off and I pretty much did to. After my run this morning I took a long bath and then went to the salon for a buff & shine.

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During the afternoon my intention was to nap, curled up in a sunspot like a cat. But I ended up brooding; I was thinking about Raymond. A few weeks ago I brought up the Raymond improvement program and the jokes about his being a “work in progress” started. And it’s true that I’ve turned up a few things that have me saying Huh? But they amount to only a bit of grit in the meshing of our lives though one trait does have me wondering.

In looking back on my relationships I realized that all of them have been with men and women who are very goal orientated. At one extreme there is Mark who probably knew in his bassinette that he wants to be a CEO and figured out how to achieve his goal by the time he reached college. Most are like Christine, who knows that she wants to be an artist and is preparing herself for that career or Dmitri, for whom being a teacher is more a calling than just a job.

Raymond lives in the moment and he seems very content to allow life to push him along. He’s intelligent, works hard and likes his job, but he has difficulty articulating what he wants in life. This isn’t wrong, because he seems awfully flexible and that has benefits, but it’s different for me.

Over planning is my vice, but when it comes to relationships I try to resist the urge and let it just happen. With Raymond, the distance and the intervals between our visits make that problematic. When he didn’t drop off the face of the earth after his visit to Paris, I recognized that maybe it would work out, but I needed a way to be reassured we were on the same course. So I broke the progress of a relationship into milestones, nothing definite, just feelings and indications.

So far we’re moving along, Thanksgiving will check off a couple of more. We’re planning on going somewhere warm around Christmas; most likely we will borrow Amy’s condo. Depending on how that is going I need to talk with him. I need to know what he is thinking. Then if we’re on the same wavelength, we need to talk about our future. Long before Raymond I made a decision that if I found someone who I felt I could share my life with, I would stop escorting. The results of this conversation may bring me to that point.

The money from escorting is now a nice to have rather than I have to have it. If I stop escorting I’ll need to pull from savings even for day-to-day living, as the cost of the apartment and for that matter my lifestyle is greater than what I’m drawing from Kim & Co., but that will change. Right now the gap between what I draw from Kim & Co and actually spend isn’t great and while it would be difficult to cut back, I could.

Then a thought popped into my head and I remembered a news report regarding a study that concluded that women, who were virgins at the time of their marriage, expressed greater long-term sexual satisfaction within their marriages. Conversely does that mean…

Well at least the sun was warm.

Kim

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's because virgins don't know any better! I remember the boy I lost my virginity to- I thought the sex was fantastic, until I got around to having sex with someone else!

g

4:23 AM  
Anonymous VJ said...

Yep, I with you on that last point. They really don't know any better, so they're very self satisfied with their lives, no matter how constrained, miserable or incomplete. That's just the way it was for many women in the past. This is increasingly uncommon for anyone today. Very few folks go into marriage as 'complete' virgins. And thank heavens for that development!

But it sounds as if things are progressing nicely with Raymond, but I'd take it slow just the same. And not everyone in the relationship needs to be 'driven'. Two drivers makes for a confusing ride BTW. Cheers & Good Luck! 'VJ'

6:21 AM  
Blogger Pete from Cal said...

I second VJ about a relationship doesn't need two 'driven' partners. Hope you'll achieve those milestones you planned with Raymond.

When the time comes, you'll know when to quit escorting. You rarely talk about your appointments anymore, I didn't think you still do it. Hopefully you'll also keep this secret to the grave if your relationship with Raymond works out because I don't want to see you hurt again if the truth comes out. Some times, honesty isn't the best policy.

6:43 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Thanks for the feedback guys, the goal driven personality is really my issue and not his.

I haven't written about escort experiences because recent ones lack a hook that I find interesting.

Kim

3:55 PM  
Anonymous VJ said...

I'll also 2nd Pete's thoughts on the secrets aspect. My wife understands me better than anyone I know, but even she's clueless on many basic things. Sometimes I just shake my head and smile. It's all you can do in certain situations. In any case wishing you much luck with all the milestones, the economic ones being the most pressing I imagine. Cheers, 'VJ'

5:15 AM  

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