Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Unflappable? No more likely anticipation and experience.

I’ve been expecting a proposition so I’ve considered my response and played it out in my mind. The scarlet letter jibe goes back to college when we’d award each other a scarlet letter for questionable relationships. The offer of cash transactions for sex are something I know how to handlem what I’m uncertain about though is how I might handle the implication that Kim & Co may lose business or a business opportunity unless I accommodate the decision maker.


Shortly after Mom was released from the hospital, it was apparent that she lacked the self-confidence to resist any sort of pressure or coercion. My first insight came when the UPS guy kept delivering all this crap and I realized that whenever a telemarketer called she’d buy whatever they sold or contribute to whichever fraudulent charity they represented. For a long time I was confused by how quickly that happened, subsequently I’ve learned that when a telemarketer finds a mark, they recycle the person in a few days and approach them with different products.

I snuck a look at her check register and called the credit card companies, pretending to be her and was horrified by what they told me. I confronted her about what was happening and she confessed that she didn’t have the strength to resist, but that it was only money… Eventually we came to the conclusion that we should make decisions on what to purchase and who to contribute to jointly, and then she told me to hold on to the credit cards and checks. Scary.

During this time I developed a bunker mentality that it was she and I against everyone else. Our life was pretty schizoid, one moment I was whipping her emotionally because I had all this pent up anger about how our/my life was going and then I was her protector and advocate. It’s not that others didn’t offer, whenever my siblings or mom’s called, they’d ask if we needed help with anything. I mean they’d ask mom and then they’d ask me. I turned them away except Grand Dad (mom’s father) and secretly my dad, as she would have been furious to know that I was talking to him about this.

Out of the telemarketing conversation, I learned that the insurance company was refusing to pay a significant portion of the hospital bill. Part of it was the insurance company being bastards and partly was the hospital and doctors being incompetent in getting the necessary documentation to get paid. With grand dad’s help I found out what was needed from the hospital and I began harassing them and then he used his knowledge of the insurance industry to point out that if we needed to take them to court the company would not only pay the bills, but attorney fees and penalties. It took nearly a year but it got worked out. Now it amuses me to wonder how they would have reacted to learn that the PIA, persistent b____ was a sixteen year old.

Over time mom regained enough control over her life to manage day-to-day and with help take care of the larger things. After I went off to college, she turned to Kenny for help. That was fine with me as I just wanted to be (ir)responsible for my own life.

Kim

5 Comments:

Anonymous VJ said...

Thanks for the memory Kim. You always learn lots from taking care of a parent as a kid. I don't know what to think about the proposition bit though. I'd try to be as friendly as possible w/o doing much. In many industries this kind of BS was fairly common, but it's less so today. I say try to make your mark as a professional doing what you should be hired to do. Pleasing others to sell product or services. Not just the boss. Most should appreciate that. Cheers & Good Luck! 'VJ'

6:20 AM  
Blogger Pete from Cal said...

Thanks for sharing Kim. It sounded like that was a difficult time of your life. But I guess we all learn from past trial and tribulation. From reading your blogs, you definitely shine in terms of handling anything unexpected. I, too, was amazed at how you handled that proposition with wit, humor and grace. :)

10:31 PM  
Anonymous Fumi said...

Your paragraph about the implications of blackmail is heavy news. The way you think of situations circumspectly is awesome.

Cheers to staying true to yourself!

Tracy Quan said that the degree to which a hooker makes money has less to do with her perspective on sex as it does her perspective on money. Is that why you told us that sweet story about you and your mom? Thank you for your strength and honesty.

10:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a businessman, let me assure you that any relationship that is based on one partner getting screwed, will pretty reliably result in that partner getting screwed, as it were.

If the deal makes sense and works, it shouldn't need any icing. If it does need the icing, it almost certainly won't work in the long run anyway.

Simple as that.

8:15 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

I have a tendency to worry in advance, at times needlessly, hopefully sex for contracts will be one of those times.

Fumi, I agree with Tracy. From the hookers perspective the focus needs to be on the money, but we want the gentleman to focus on the sex and forget about the money.

K

11:16 PM  

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