Tuesday, August 07, 2007

We’ve regressed, we’re twenty again and living in a sorority house. I don’t know if I have the energy to keep this up.

I’m in Paris for a couple of days for some meetings and taking care of the mail. Mimi is off entirely for a week and took her kids to her parents. Later in the month her ex will take them and she’s going off with a friend. When I returned from London I decided to do a couple of things that I’ve been thinking about. One is to order a new couch to replace the green (Dmitri) couch, the other is to look into removing the kitchen wall.

The only thing I don’t like about my apartment is kitchen is cut off from the main room. I love having friends over for dinner but since the space is so small, I cook while they socialize. When I took this place I asked the owner if taking the wall out would be possible and he said yes, at my expense of course. Before leaving I formerly made the request and I received permission, subject to him approving the plans and the contractor. Given that I like everything else about the place and the neighborhood, I’m planning on staying at least a couple of more years, though if he turned me down I’d have given my notice.

Anne Marie and I rented surfboards and took a lesson Saturday. On returning them we got about 20 meters from the door when we decided to each buy one plus the wet suits. We have a new hobby, but getting these back to Paris and storing them will be interesting. Nathalie has a solution, buy the house we’re renting, more on that later.

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A while ago Camille had a post on claiming and more recently one of the contributors to the now erased, Demimonde blog wrote on the subject, though they approached the subject from very different perspectives. The Demimonde post dealt what I would call
erotic claiming, kind of the 21st century version of being dragged into the cave by your hair. As I recall, Camille dealt more with what I would define as romantic claiming, where a man, and for both these writers the claimer is a man, lets her know and some times others, that he views them as a couple and he expects to participate (meddle) in her life.

My perspective is somewhat different; the claimer need not be a man, what else would you call the behavior of Mr. Hedge Fund’s girl friend? But I’ll concede that the dominant partner usually does the claiming. Romantic claiming is something that is legitimate only in maturing relationships, erotic claiming can occur at first lust.

Of course I’ve parsed my own relationships through the claiming paradigm. Dimitri was the king of erotic claiming, regularly leading me into dark alleys or backing me into corners in order to have his way with me. Every now and then he’d try to stake his romantic claim, but I’d gently rebuff him, till we were in a village in Albania during our trip. I was ready to accept him and memories of my feelings that night still warms me.

Kim

3 Comments:

Anonymous VJ said...

Sounds like a sorority house is just what was needed Kim. On the claiming bit I always tell those who ask that the wife does not bear my name, as I do not need to name her to claim her. They brand cattle for that. Chattel & all that. But that's probably still thinking a bit much, right? Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'

1:56 AM  
Anonymous Valiant said...

Yiou talk aboput claiming but what about the desire from the less dominant to be claimed??? In my case my wife wanted my name, said she would not feel married without it.

I guess my point is that as in life this is not black and white, but a spectrum of behaviours and needs. Find a matching pair and you have some foundations for a lasting relationship. Find a mismatch and it is only a matter of time before it breaks apart.

10:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"A while ago Camille had a post on claiming and more recently one of the contributors to the now erased, Demimonde blog wrote on the subject, though they approached the subject from very different perspectives. The Demimonde post dealt what I would call erotic claiming, kind of the 21st century version of being dragged into the cave by your hair. As I recall, Camille dealt more with what I would define as romantic claiming, where a man, and for both these writers the claimer is a man, lets her know and some times others, that he views them as a couple and he expects to participate (meddle) in her life.

My perspective is somewhat different; the claimer need not be a man, what else would you call the behavior of Mr. Hedge Fund’s girl friend? But I’ll concede that the dominant partner usually does the claiming. Romantic claiming is something that is legitimate only in maturing relationships, erotic claiming can occur at first lust."



Both were talking about "sexual claiming".

8:36 AM  

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