Thursday, December 20, 2007

Having a bad week, with the result of being tired and disagreeable often breeds honesty and it did for both of us. I really didn’t want to go to NY last weekend, I’d had a horrible week personally and professionally and I wanted nothing more than to hole up in my apartment with a book and spend time with friends.

I knew that I’ve been pumping myself up prior to seeing Mr. HF. I kept telling myself he’s a nice guy, sweet even, and a bit off center, Grace is his biggest promoter and his net worth has lots of zeros to the left of the decimal point. The trouble was that only the first was a good reason. The second is my version of groundhog day, where I find myself trying to please my sister rather than me (and then over correct), while the third leaves me feeling like a shark in a mini skirt.

But another reason is that I feel that I will be subsumed into his life professionally as well as personally and while I can accept that my income would be spare change the recognition of my achievements are important to me. Its not that I don’t believe he’d recognize me, it would be the recognition of those around us that I want to enjoy. Too often the business accomplishments of women who are attached to powerful men are denigrated as; it’s because of his money or his contacts that she’s successful, even when her success predated their relationship.



Anonymous VJ said...

Exactly Kim. It's the bird in a gilded cage syndrome. Even w/o a 'cage' it's a frame of mind that says most of the time 'I'm more important than your work, because... there's much more money on my really don't 'have to' work... you should be taking care of the kids/oldsters etc.' It's a whole range of issues that although they may seem 'side' or even trivial at the start, take on a looming importance when you're talking about time allocation and what you're doing for a livelihood.

There's plenty of otherwise lively gals out there who would be happy to be 'the trophy wife' as their only or sole profession. Or even the breeding & milch cow under certain broadly understood parameters. It's still a very popular choice in some quarters, even if many may come to regret it in subsequent decades. It can be very comfortable and relatively trouble free, and that's nothing to sneeze at for many folks.

But sorry for your lousy week. I've been having bad sciatica for the past month or so, and it's made me extra surly & difficult. This naturally also leads to more arguments over such & sundry & over such similar awfully misplaced attempts at 'honest statements'. It's been a dream come true for the wife naturally. 4th Q is tough on everyone, we hardly get much sleep either, which helps no one.

In the end you've got to be responsible for pleasing yourself, because no one can or really should be doing it for you. 'Groundhog day' is not a good day to start a relationship, unless it's being well scripted by Hollywood, and you're willingly along for the ride.

Here's hoping things will be looking up in 2008 for us all! Cheers & Happy Holidays & Good Luck in the New Year! 'VJ'

8:58 PM  
Anonymous Pete from Cal said...

As always, VJ is very well spoken and expressed my thought on the issue as well. Mr.HF being nice is not good enough. He has to make you happy and feel alive before he deserves your hand in marriage sorta speak. High net worth is nice but your self worth is even more important after the fact. You want to be an equal partner and not just a 'trophy wife'. We know you did the right thing but just lamenting the opportunity loss. *shrug*

I'd imagine that Grace might be more devastated at the breakup, no? Oh well, gotta live your life your way and not what others envisioned for you, even though they meant well.

Take good care and wish you a Merry Xmas, Kim!! Sending you happy thoughts and holiday wishes across the state and the pond... :)

9:37 PM  

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