Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Blond Jokes

One of the joys of being a brunette is the chance to heap scorn on blonds. Liberally lifted from a post at HDH.

A blonde went into a worldwide message center to send a message to her mother overseas.

When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money." But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."

The man arched an eyebrow.

"Anything?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.

Well, then, "Just follow me," said the man as he walked towards the next room.

The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.

"Come in and close the door" the man said.

She did.

He then said, "Now get on your knees."

She did.

"Now take down my zipper."

She did.

"Now go ahead ... take it out...." He said.

She reached in and grabbed his penis with both hands.

Then paused.

The man closed his eyes and whispered.

"Well ... go ahead."

The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer, while holding the penis close to her lips, ...tentatively said....

"Hello. Mom, can you hear me?"


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The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat pushed back, gun & holster, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks, "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"

The cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff ... I was in the saloon down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt, so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my jeans, so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my skivvies, so I did.

Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to town Cowboy..."

"So here I am."

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What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?

Artificial intelligence

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Kim

8 Comments:

Anonymous stirling_b said...

Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?

A: Her boyfriend was blond

2:11 AM  
Anonymous Phantom Man said...

Kim, I am surprised that you are a brunette. I had pictured you with light brown hair, I'm not sure why. I love brunettes.

8:40 PM  
OpenID stirling-b said...

A blind man enters a ladies bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke sir, you should know five things.... 1 - The bartender is a blonde girl. 2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter. 5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. Now think about it seriously Mister, do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and says, "Nah.... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

5:41 AM  
Anonymous bluebeing said...

KIM, I love blonde jokes, I am a blue-eyed blonde and not from the box either.

6:55 PM  
Anonymous VJ said...

Alternate ending for sterling b's Joke: 'OK then, You wanna hear a Lesbian joke?' Cheers, 'VJ'

8:26 AM  
Blogger Slutty McWhore said...

I'm brunette, too, but when I was young my crazy-assed mother dyed my hair blond. At that point I had mousey brown hair, and had no inkling of the brunette-ness to come, so I kept on dying my long hair blond until I got it all cut off and dyed back to it natural colour when I was 21. I was flabbergasted when I realized that I'd actually become a brunette. But flabbergasted in a good way. Brunettes have the most fun!

By the way, I lived in France for a year and it was shite. I hate French men. They're worse than American men (although, annoyingly, they're really fucking good-looking. Yum).

4:20 AM  
Anonymous VJ said...

Worse than American men but better looking? Hmmm SM, I know where my efforts would be placed! Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'

4:24 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Christine and Rachel are natural blonds and both consider blond jokes a form of reverse snobbery. To them we are ridiculing what we want to be, but can't.

K

7:11 PM  

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