Tuesday, February 05, 2008

“Does a dominant have an intuition as to whether a person is a sexual submissive?” I asked a dominant who I had become friendly with after I stopped fearing her. She thought for a moment and replied, “All animals take measure of the natural ranks of those around them and their own place with in it. Think about what goes on at party or in a bar, when people first meet. More so than most people, practicing dominants may be more cognizant of behaviors and consciously note them. But with regard sexual submissiveness specifically, a dominant typically need to reveal something about themselves to gather that information.”

Irena called me in the afternoon while I was on the train to meet her, we had been invited to a private S&M party, and she wanted to know if I would go. We talked about it a bit (much to the discomfort of my seatmate), with out coming out and saying it, as of yet I don’t have that level of trust with her. She responded she wasn’t so much interested in participating as checking out this dungeon and the group of people.

Part of the evening was to be a demonstration by Dom from Germany at the reception that started the night we met him and my shit detector went off, but Irena and others seemed to like him. It was ugly and cruel, his victim, that’s the only way to describe her, was a woman in her early 40’s. I’d spoken to her earlier, she and her husband were new to S&M, likely they’d been tying each other up and whipping the other with belts in their bedroom but they’d never been to a munch, never mind a play party.

Before they started they discussed and agreed upon a safe word, maybe she forgot or maybe she didn’t really understand, but given the pathos in her cries anyone with a sliver of decency would have stopped. But he didn’t, till one of the other Doms intervened.

I told Irena that I wanted to leave and we did. I was angry, being involved in a power exchange relationship, even in the venue of a play party can be very rewarding, but the participants must respect each other and look out for the submissive’s well being. We found a place for a drink and to talk, Irena listened to my rant and then we found a dance club that allowed me to burn off the energy that I felt.

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Not long after the news about Sarko and Carla, I received an invitation to join a betting pool on the number of weeks before one or the other of them is romantically linked to a third by a credible news source.

Kim

2 Comments:

Anonymous VJ said...

"It was ugly and cruel [&] his victim..." YES! It's been quite astonishing to see the development or devolution even of the entire S&M /BDSM 'scene'. It's always been a fav of pornographers, but in days of yore it was quite playful, people did dress up more and there was generally much less in the way of any permanent marks, scars or obvious wounds. And then something changed in the last decade & half or so. The real kinksters found each other on the Net, and then expanded beyond secret clubs and under ground 'societies' & meet-ups into full fledged commercial enterprises, some of these quite lucrative. To this day I still suspect it's the highest grossing type of porn. Most of it, as ever is of course focused on female pain. And so now we've got a plethora of very realistic 'scenes' going on all over, and indeed 'blood play' and other scaring/piercing/burning/branding types of 'entertainments' for fun & profit. Some of it quite extreme, and some of it self administered. When I saw the home trephination kits I knew we had passed some great divide. Surgery as amateur theatrics & crowd pleasing fun.

Mostly though it's just beating or humiliating women, as popular as ever. There's actually a bit of non gay type 'submissive male' S&M, but it's swamped by the kinds that focus on women and indeed girls. The latter type is of course now actionable (as well it should be) for minors, but the demand for it seems to be steadily growing.

Now I know plenty of folks are into this type of thing. But I also know that plenty of women are probably participating in the scene to please a BF/Hubby or to make a quick buck. Sure it can be fun with a partner you trust, or even to explore a bit in a new relationship. But the modern age of the 'torture garden' as a spectacle of middle class entertainment tells as much about us as it did about the supposedly suppressed Victorians who reveled in the 'English vice' to stir up their juices well over 100 yo.

But yeah, there's plenty of Russians involved in the scene. Always with the birching too. The school room scenes. And more of their country gals & Eastern bloc sisters participating than we even dare to imagine I suspect. So it's almost an occupational hazard for them. Word! Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'

8:55 AM  
Anonymous VJ said...

Geez, I even forgot to speculate on Carla dear... I take her at her word, and put it at about 3mo. Six mo. at the outside. She's a creature of habit and it will be doubly hard to play the good 'bird in the cage' role. She was born to 'ramble'. At best she might wait until the kids born, right? So conservatively between a fortnight and 1.8 years. Bet on it. It might just take awhile to come out, but I fully expect her to be using the media to play with the man's mind soon too. They just can't resist. Cheers, 'VJ'

9:00 AM  

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