Friday, February 15, 2008

Miss Lonely-Heart was about with the other lonely hearts last evening, much brave talk about independence, self love and snickering about ritual self abuse. Then one of us (not me) allowed her neurosis to spill out on the floor, none of us wanted acknowledge her in fear we’d be infected by the same demon. We tried being cool, as if ignoring a woman who dropped her purse in church and had a butt plug roll to the feet of the monsignor. “Well what if it’s true?” She asked on the verge of a wail. We continued to ignore her until one of us silenced her by saying, “That’s the silliest thing anyone has ever thought of.” No, we successful or succeeding women, all under thirty, would never consider that we’ll spend our lives alone due to our success, particularly when drinking together on Valentine’s Day. More wine, we’d only drunk enough to be maudlin.


Shortly before one, I was home and ready for bed when my phone rang. It was Denise she was crying, “Can I come up?” She asked. “Where are you?” I questioned in reply and she told me she was on the sidewalk, outside my building. I buzzed her in and when I opened the apartment door to let her in she stood there and through the tears told me that she had left her husband.

This wasn’t a surprise as she’s been talking to me about leaving him for a few months if they couldn’t get some problems worked out, but the timing was a bit of a surprise. Problems, should really be problem because the others are the type of things that couples negotiate all the time. But the PROBLEM, is that his fetish has consumed their love life and threatens to seep under the bedroom door into the rest of their marriage.

D enjoys some BDSM play, with the emphasis on play, and she was willing to expand what she was comfortable with to satisfy her husband, but what she really likes is how we use BDSM as a prelude to frantic sex that leaves us exhausted with a warm, satisfied feeling for the remainder of the day. But she complains they no longer have sex unless he’s tied up or some play is involved.

D spends one, sometimes two nights per week with me. We have something to eat, maybe go out to a movie or to hear some music and then return here to snuggle and make love. In the morning I go about my routine and when I get back from my run she’s left for her studio. We’ve been great fuck buddies. Then she gets home and he wants her to give him a graphic description in order to humiliate him draining pleasure from this relationship also.

Denise wanted a nice romantic Valentine’s Day and it started well, he offered to make dinner and they fed each other desert and then a little foreplay and then he asked that she wear latex. That was it, she had enough.

She’ll be staying here a few days till she can get her studio arranged so it can serve as a living space.



Anonymous VJ said...

Interesting developments Kim. On the marriage front I'm certain I've mentioned Prof. Stephanie Coontz before here, who's been studying the history of marriage for the last 30 some odd years. Her really informative articles can be found here: []

With particular attention to these, (one of which I'm certain to have cited previously);

But ritual 'self abuse'? I imagine this is what all the poRn is on the Net for, right? But it's good to see that you've been getting some special solace from D, and that the action Chez Kim is more active than previously imagined.

I'm unfamiliar with the particular psychatric disorder D's husband may be suffering from or experiencing, but I imagine that it's not uncommon in some circles. He really should seek professional help if he wants to save his marriage. But what is probably needed is some serious 'reconditioning' and that does take some time and effort. Cheers & Good Luck! 'VJ'

(Oh just for the Despair/sob sister crowd here's the counter point:
perhaps better applied in about 10 years or so...)


March 2008 Atlantic Monthly

The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough

by Lori Gottlieb
Marry Him!

8:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been reading Mercurial Girl for about a year now, enjoying the ups and downs and so on. But I have to say, perhaps something like half of it is either way over or under my radar, and hard to comprehend. Being a very vanilla middle middle class middle of North America kind of guy and all.

Most of us do not have relationships at all like this, and after reading it, I suppose I should be grateful.

Good luck with the biz, doing the biz thing is actually something I know a bit about, so it is much less interesting than to read about than the unconventional sexual and romantic relationships.

6:12 AM  
Anonymous VJ said...

Yes, Less sex & More Business = Bloomberg News: []. Cheers, 'VJ'

11:33 PM  
Anonymous VJ said...

Some more important moments in French sexual history (via The Independent):

Egalité! Liberté! Sexualité!: Paris, May 1968

It began with a demand by students for the right to sleep with each other. And it ended in one of the greatest upheavals in French society since the revolution. John Lichfield goes in search of the spirit of ’68 Web

Saturday, 23 February 2008


Cheers, 'VJ'

11:09 AM  

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