Monday, July 28, 2008

During the week, a group outing was planned, but when the time came I was feeling the blues and begged off claiming that I had some work to do. Chris knew something was up, but knows that I’d talk about it when I was ready. There were a couple of things bothering me, first, I let a sliver of hope build up that he’d call. Of course he wouldn’t, he didn’t when I begged to see him, either he was too hurt or too proud.

The second thing is that Christine’s internship ends Friday and though she will be coming to the beach house for a week, she’ll soon be going home. Or at least to collect her things at her brother’s, load them into her old truck and head to school. She says she’s worried that the truck won’t make it, but I know she’s also thinking about leaving so much that is comfortable. One evening she had fallen asleep on the couch and when I looked up from my puter, I began thinking how smoothly our lives have meshed since she’s been here. The apartment will feel lonely when she’s gone.

While I did have work to do, I wasn’t facing a deadline so I couldn’t make myself concentrate, so I grabbed a couple of magazines from the pile and headed down to the Seine. The magazines went unread, but as I watched the boats go by, the children playing and some guys trying to teach their dogs to skateboard, my mood lightened. I felt like walking so I did with no real destination I just wandered the side streets though unfamiliar neighborhoods, a couple of times I checked the map I carry to figure out where I was. Eventually I found my way to Ile Saint-Louis and Maison Berthillon, so I joined the crowd.



Anonymous VJ said...

Now you know the real thought behind 'idleness as the devil's workshop'. It's inside your head. Too much time to brood is never good for anyone. Done is done. Gone is gone. If there were gentle words offering some sort of half hearted apology or some extension of understanding, you would have heard it by now. Perhaps even by a short letter. Something along the lines of "I'm sorry, but I'm not the man you thought I was", or "I could not deal with it, so I fled". Something, anything might do.

But no you have the usual and typical 'closure by denial, secrecy & silence'. Forgetfulness is the order of the day. He does want to forget you. You should forget him.

Just some thoughts. Cheers & Good Luck! 'VJ'

7:05 PM  
Anonymous Phantom Man said...

Letting go of joy is difficult, but I wonder if it is easier in the incredible setting that you describe. Every day of my life I hurt about one who left (and took children), but when I am traveling or in a wonderful setting, my mind is on more beautiful thoughts. Psychologists encourage us to "brain switch", and I hope you find distractions to "switch" your feelings.

9:39 PM  

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