Sunday, December 20, 2009

Anne Marie has a different perspective regarding my loyalty issues and believes I’m being a drama queen. We had dinner here after shopping and I began speaking about Christine, her concerns and my admitting that they might be valid. AM and I share over lapping neurosis, but we have good perspectives on each other’s even as we are blind to our own. In this case, she believes I am feeling guilt over Chris’s concern that in AM’s opinion is primarily about C and is fully intertwined with her tendency to flee relationships.

I wasn’t buying it, so she suggested I get my picture book, referring to an album of past relationships that I’ve (half) jokingly entitled Kim’s Book of Failure. She began thumbing through it and suggested we discuss my past relationships in the context of faithfulness and proceeded to establish a few ground rules, first sexual professionalism was so far beyond normal that it wasn’t germane; besides C knew all of that. Another was that we’d concede that I’m a bit of a slut, but that fact was key in C’s attraction to me. With the significant criteria being that the relationship lasted at least six months and there was an acknowledgement of commitment.

She came up with four relationships that she believed implied fidelity. Jen and I lived in the same building, got friendly, became sexual and after a few months realized we made a good couple. When her lease was up and her roommate wanted to move, she moved in with me. It ended when she had an opportunity to play in a band (she’s a musician) and moved to West Virginia (insert joke here). To the point of our review, I hadn’t cheated on her. The second is C, who knew everything about my life and has had a few relationships of her own, so there is no cheating there. Next Dmitri, exhibit A in proving my guilt. After saying his name she looked at me and said, “In America, isn’t the saying, you blew it?” Lastly there was Raymond, who I suspected of hooking up with an old flame when he visited home and who I caught cheating on me in London, while I only planned an assignation and then changed my mind.

So she made her point.



Anonymous VJ said...

Perhaps, but then again not quite. Which is why it's oh so complicated. It might happen if you're willing to help make it happen. But that too depends on the past, and the likelihood of it happening again. And you can go round & round in circles here. Good Luck on the resolution. Cheers, 'VJ'

8:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gay or straight? Straight or gay?

What are the odds that after x amount of time in a committed gay relationship you have a deep need to be in a straight one? Or vice versa?

People can be bisexual sexually, meaning they can be attracted to and have sex with both, but there's a big leap to romantic, loving relationships with either or. I can understand the threshold question of "can I commit" but there are deeper levels and, who knows, maybe that's the actual threshold questions are down there. M

Joyeux Noel et Bonne Annee.

4:30 AM  

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