Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Christine is right to be concerned about my loyalty. She summed it up in the question “Name one person that you haven’t cheated on?” I didn’t have a good answer. I don’t think of myself as polyamorous, its not how I see my life unfolding, it’s more that I’m impulsive and go where I’m attracted. Interestingly, of my lovers, Dmitri was the most accepting of the idea of sharing me, at least with women. He never objected to Christine and of others he’d only ask when he’d be invited along, that of course made me think twice.

I’ve had the attitude that when it was time for me to plan my life with someone that the straying eye would focus, but C’s skepticism and wariness have me questioning my assumption. I know that I don’t want to limit my partnership prospects to those who would accept an open relationship and I’m not sure how I’d react to a regularly straying prospect.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

At the risk of being offensive, if a material part of the personal history you describe is true then you'll have significant issues with any partner. Not talking about escorting at all. I have no idea how you've addressed these issues for your own mental and emotional well-being but you certainly know they don't go away and they'll express themselves in all sorts of perhaps unpleasant ways. I have no idea if it's possible to work through this stuff before you -or anyone - deals with the practical realities. I've seen that sort of work and not work at all.

A friend of mine took several years to recover from being married to a woman with substantial issues that included abandonment, rape (and pregnancy), off the hook promiscuity, etc. It hasn't been easy for her and it wasn't easy for him. Just one example. I'm not saying this is a cautionary tale, just that whatever bad stuff is buried in you will come out when you're in deep relationship. I'm not trying to warn you off relationships. M

5:22 AM  

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