Sunday, December 19, 2010

It certainly has been an interesting morning and the snow and cold have nothing to do with it. André left a bit ago, but before that we had a conversation that I’m still trying to sort out.

The morning began like they all do around here, with Wags demanding to go out. André took him, while I made us coffee and toast and then we went back to bed. After some recreation, we laid back and talked. He brought up Denise, this didn’t surprise me, as he knows that she and I have been fuck buddies and I know also that she has slept with him. I’ve been expecting that he would ask about a threesome. But he surprised me.

“Do you know that D is having an affair with __________,” he asked, a wealthy art collector and very married. I told him that I knew that, but I didn’t tell him that he was also supporting her. “They go to sex clubs, did you know that?” This I also knew but feigned surprised. “And that he chooses men to have sex with her while he watches.” I had all I could do to keep from laughing. “So your telling me that ______ has a kink and good for D to find someone who helps her fill her kink,” I said. He looked at me, perplexed, I could see that he was struggling with getting his mind around this.

Poor André he tries so hard at being the hippster artist, but at times the small town boy comes out with the straw is stuck behind his ear. “You knew all this?” He asked. “She’s invited me along,” I said watching his reaction. “She has? Have you?” His voice almost cracked. Deciding it was best to neither confirm nor deny, I simply said that a woman is entitled to some secrets. I’m pretty sure that he believes that I haven’t as he went on about why D has.

Talked out about that he was quiet for a few minutes and then mentioned that he ran into Roger _____, Denise’s ex-husband. We made small talk about that for a minute and then the words almost burst out of André, Roger said that when he first met you that you worked as a prostitute. It was my turn to scramble for words and after a few seconds I said simply “Roger is indiscreet.” “Then it’s true? He asked and I nodded. Then asked him how he felt about that and if it bothered him. Since this was out in the open I wanted, needed to know how he felt. “It’s fine, it’s all right, really,” he answered. Though I’m sure he was trying to convince himself.

Then he dragged out another skeleton, “Last week I met Charles _________,” Dennis _________ introduced us. Dennis is a gossipy gallery owner. “And he told me that you were once Charles’ mistress.” “Can’t a girl make a mistake and forget about it?” I said looking at him. He got the point and let it go.

“Kim can I ask something of you?” “Of course, what is it?” He stuttered a bit in getting it out but then he asked me that if in the future I worked as a prostitute that he wanted to know and he wanted me to tell him. I said that I would and asked him that if I did, would he be OK with that. Not at all convincingly, he said he would.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, nothing like having your closet shaken to get the skeletons out in the open. Guess this will make or break him.

4:28 PM  
Blogger J said...

Have we been properly introduced to André? He seems to be missing from my program.

7:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They aren't skeletons if you are still friends, still see socially, still have sex with the people involved. Anyone coming into your life will get to know your circle and it's nonsensical to believe they won't then know much more about you. Even more than they let on. A past is something removed from you and this is with you in your social and sexual world. Thus Andre's remark about working as a prostitute again is about you making a choice in your present as something you are capable of now, not something that you once upon a time in a different life did.

Playing along with the story, if you want someone who accepts you as you are, with your bisexuality and various kinks, then maybe it's best not to pretend. If you want to make this your past, then it actually has to become the past and you have to become remote from it.

4:23 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Good points M, but knowledge that events of ones past can reappear at anytime is not the same thing as having a pithy response when it does. Particularly when enjoying the last moments of a post coital haze.

Roger isn't a friend but someone exacting revenge because he clings to the fantasy that I encouraged Denise to dump him. Short of moving from Paris it would be hard to avoid people like him.

With regard to Charles, the only secret was that on the first of each month a healthy number of Euro's were deposited in my account, the rest was very public. We lunched weekly and dined often. I accompanied him to numerous events and parties, many art related. The only reason this is new knowledge to Andre is that he wasn't even on the outside looking in then.

I'm comfortable with who I am and with what I've done and have no apologies to make. If someone can't accept that, they that is their problem and I refuse to make it mine.

From Andre what I need to know is what his feelings and attitudes are and we can work from there. To further a relationship, if a person wants me to curb my appetites then that is something I need to seriously consider and I'll likely choose, because the person is important to me.


7:54 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

BTW: André made his appearance here.

I had another post planned talking about him, but it will keep for a bit.


7:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Then good for you. Joyeux Noel et Bonne Annee. M

2:28 AM  
Blogger J said...

André ... yes, of course, we were introduced. Sorry for my bad memory!

Joyeaux noel et bonne année!


3:59 PM  
Blogger J said...

pardon ... "joyeux"

4:00 PM  
Anonymous VJ said...

Ditto from me down here. But be that as it may? Why does this sound so achingly familiar? The names & circumstances might change, but fundamentally many of the guys just will never come to grips with the central concept. Finding one who might is ever more difficult, but made only more so by wading though all the voyeurs and part time bit players who might not have any 'intentions' beyond some short term entertainments. Which is fine as it goes. But for the prospect of longer term involvements? Something's got to give. Either the guys get more understanding (rare) or the pool from which they're drawn is ever more remote & removed from your past.

While the 'integration' you speak of & desire would be the most suggestively comfortable under most ideal circumstances, it may not be wholly compatible with other larger goals & desires as well. It'll take one special guy to understand all this. It certainly can & has been done, but it's a bit more complicated than what most guys, even the most self consciously 'liberated' hipsters usually consider. It is ever thus. And I suspect that A may not be in that number. But who knows? He might surprise. Cheers & Good Luck in the New Year! 'VJ'

Joyeaux noel et bonne année!

8:20 PM  
Anonymous VJ said...

Hope you're enjoying the family over the the Hols. And again I hate to be the downer here, but this really does sound like some sort of reprise of the lead up to a 'D' sort of reaction. But again time will tell. And of course it need not be entirely that dramatic or consequential. But yeah, there's complications with everyone playing in the same sandbox too. Which will as ever be an ongoing issue, I suspect. Cheers & Good Luck! 'VJ'

4:24 AM  

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