Monday, December 23, 2013

It slips in on cat's paws dragging the shadow with it, hugging the wall and staying unseen as it does its work. You ignore it, make excuses. Oh it's only the dreary Paris winter or the blahs. But then there is the insomnia, the struggle to get out of the bed and to get anything done. The inquiries from friends, are you all right? But you deny it, but can't fight it…

It has been a while, maybe 5 years since I've been truly depressed, I'd forgotten what life was like dragging that weight. I hoped against reality, that chronic depression had been excised from my life. But it was still here waiting for the chance to engulf me in its fog. Friday I saw my psychiatrist for the first time in years, he was supportive and concerned, but more importantly gave me a prescription, the pills have helped in the past and maybe they will again. But I'm disappointed in myself that I need them, still.

Christmas is here, we had our office party today and all were merry, if for no other reason than Kim & Co is closed till the new year. There was much talk of holiday plans and trips to somewhere warm and sunny.

As usual, I'll celebrate Christmas at Juliette and Dad's on the eve. Her children and their family's will be there and some of her siblings and their family. It will be fun, the kids will be excited and the food good. I'll stay there Tuesday night as will her kids, Wednesday we'll breakfast and they will head for the in-laws, while Juliette and Dad go to the farm. Buster is packed and ready to take me to the village. I'm looking forward to that as I haven't been there since the first days of September. Melissa is coming after Christmas from her family's home near Cherbourg, and Anne Marie and Hannah will be down over the weekend through New Years.

Happy holidays,



Anonymous Elle said...

Joyeuses fêtes to you!

11:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

take those pills and don't let that darkness swallow you up! i get SAD and it's an effort to fight it; sometimes the chemical imbalance just needs to be righted.

drive safe, joyeux noel! xo eb

1:03 AM  
Anonymous Robert Taylor said...

Taking pills to fight depression is like taking insulin for diabetes. There is no shame in either and I take both. My shrink tried to ween me off anti-depressants in a slow withdrawal over 2 years. Within 6 months of the withdrawal, the depression was back full blown. I am now resigned to taking both anti-depressants and insulin for the rest of my life. I must. And so, probably, will you.

2:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should go back to escorting, that made you happy.

4:34 AM  

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